Do I need help?

I used to go to church. In fact; I was once a very respected saint. Something went heywire. I mean even though as a child I was ually abused, and treated very harshly by fellow students. I would like to think that it should not effect me now. I seem to be different from other people. I've had people tell me when I was a child that I should committ suicide. At one point I thought mabe I should take them up on that. The only thing that keeps me from suicide is God. My mother died of a drug overdose and other complications not too long ago. I miss her so much! cause its Christmas and I remember my mom buying me gifts when I was young and how much it ment to me. Before she died, I remember her crying because she felt like she was not a good mother too me. I will never forget her! I left the church because they treated me bad when I needed their compion the most. One man even said I was possesed and tried to cast devils out of me. Hardships like this make it hard for me to love people